Where I am today

Feelings: I'm ashamed of my body with it's ugly fat, bloated stomach and it's ungracefullness. However I like my morphology.
Body connection: I feel alienated by my body. I avoid looking at my body or touch myself, nor do I like the idea of someone else touching me.
Self care: I don't want to be in contact with my body so I don't take care of it. I guess I neglect myself and since a couple of years I've stopped dress up to be pretty. I can't anyway as I don't fit into my clothes.
Food choices: I no longer feel that I'm completely out of control of my choices but my food choices are not related to physical feelings but based on my emotional states and what I think is good or bad.
Eating behaviour: I eat fast without chewing and without being connected to the food.
Shape: I do sports inregularely, like 2 times a week in average feel out of shape, week, stiff and got a bad posture.
Responsibility: I "start all over again" twice a month with the obligatory last-supper period before.
Health: I often have stomach aches, my muscles are often sore and I sleep bad or too little and often feel tired and out of energy. I'm rarely sick though.
Time spent: In average 1h30 a day to plan to break free.
Money spent: In average I spend 5 euros a day = 150 euros a month to dieting and binging.
Weight: 62.3 kilos.
Fat %: 22.7
Water %: 53.6