Pain, pleasure and payoffs

Even the most destructive behaviours have a payoff. If you did not perceive the behaviour in question to generate some value to you, you would not do it. So if you want to stop behaving in a certain way, you've got to stop "paying yourself off" for doing it! Really! This is important. You must link pain to doing a destructive behaviour and then link pleasure to changing.

Find and control the payoffs, because you can't stop a behaviour until you recognize what you are gaining from it. Be alert to the possibility that your behaviour is controlled by fear of rejection. It's easier not to change. Try something new = putting yourself on the line. Also consider if your need for immediate gratification creates an appetite for a small payoff now rather than a large payoff later.