How to cope

I grow up to be a young adult thinking that so called negative feelings should be suppressed. My way of coping with feelings became ED. Also I never felt that I was appreciated for being me when living with my parents. By putting the momentum on my problems with ED I found an escape hole. As I wasn’t capable of feeling alone and abandoned ED’s company, although abusive, was still appreciated. He probably saved me in one way and I guess I should be thankful for that. Today however I’m surrounded by people who love me so I no longer need ED. (I really feel that) I’m now also capable of looking at him with new eyes. I know that he did his best and I will try to forgive him and try to forgive myself.