ED is the reason to why I’m still alive

When writing about my feelings the other day it came to me that I should really thank ED for all he’s done. He helped me through the tough episodes of my life. He was always there for me. His abusive methods and ugly words was definitely not the ultimate solution but without him I would have been abandoned. I’ve hated him but he still never gave up on me. He was always there giving me hope. Pushing me harder. Pushing me not to give up. I honestly believe that without him I might not have been alive today. I’m not sure that I would have been able to face the reality that according to me, was really painful.

I know that my abusive relationship with ED was really hard and what kept me alive was the hope of one day breaking free from him. However I truly believe that the reason why I choose to stay with ED was because it was the least painful alternative. It would have been even more painful to cope with the real life. So without ED I would probably be 5 feet’s underneath the earth. Even though I hate my relationship with ED, I’m alive. Yes, I’m alive. Isn’t that worth celebrating?